im never sad for the rest of my life because of this

(Source: kardashy, via bryceaajames)


i was never jealous of barbie’s body

i was jealous of all the shit she had and that fucking mansion and her pimp ass car and her hot boyfriend

(via harb0red)



cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call


(via harb0red)


emoji daisies forever

(via harb0red)

"please don’t"

— me when a whole bunch of enemies start attacking me on video games (via jeanmarcoing)

(via passingremark)


all i think about is sex and what i am going to eat next

(via tinyfawnxo)


sometimes in the mornings, when i hear my boyfriend wake up, i pretend to still be asleep, just for a little bit and i can feel him watching me, stroking me and kissing my head. it’s just the loveliest thing to know another human likes you that much that they will spend their time focused on you, even when they don’t even think you’re conscious.


shakespeare’s dating tips:

  • use romantic metaphors and beautiful rhymes on your girl until she’s yours
  • dress up as a guy, befriend your man and ask him what he thinks about you
  • kill her cousin, then yourself (because you love her so much)
  • don’t be mean to your girl or she might drown herself in a river. be nice

(via virgin-oracle)


"Collect books, even if you don’t plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library."

— Austin Kleon (via observando)

(via virgin-oracle)